Why?

WHY?
When I see that word, many things come to mind. I always question things, possibly too much.

I ask myself, or am asked why I believe in Jesus
I sometimes ask why I am the way I am
I wonder why certain things happen in life, like Dan passing away.
I don't understand why I try so hard sometimes in relationships.
I think Why am I doing an internship making $0, thinking it may not even help me land a job but rather "experience"
WHY?

I am in a crazy place right now. I have NO clue where my life is going. I joked around today with people that I wanted to stick around San Marcos, because I was almost afraid to get on with my life. Why am I afraid to leave?

I really don't have a reason to be afraid. God will lead me down the right paths if I allow him to. If I was to throw it all away, I am sure I would be lead down other paths. Paths I don't intend to visit.

I keep coming back to those three letters. Why am I afraid to graduate, and get into the real world? I certainly think I could find a job, or opportunity that would be great.

I really want to stick around San Marcos though. Theres so much opportunity here. The mission field is huge, and I think theres still so much more work to be done here missionally I would love to devote time to just missions.

Not only is San Marcos a great opportunity for christian fellowship, but its a political and business hotbed. New businesses are being brough daily into San Marcos, as we create jobs hopefully for the recently graduated. Politics in San Marcos are great on not only a local level with people like Chris Jones and Patrick Rose, but I mean we had Barack Obama,Bill Clinton,Ted Kennedy,Chelsea Clinton all come within a one week period.

San Marcos is great, and the people I have come in contact with over the past few years are people I will never forget my entire life.

Why am I afraid to leave this all behind? Once I leave, will people forget me? Will I take an 8-5 job I don't like? Once I get away from the community of believers I pour myself into will I stumble? Will I go to graduate school? Will I take a job at Texas State in the Athletic Department?

I really just have a lot of questions right now in my life, and not too many answers? WHY?
Why can't God just tell me what I am supposed to do? Wouldn't that be convenient?

I want to know WHY you read this
I want to know WHY you care about me
I want to know WHY we are friends

WHY

The Village

I am starting to listen to the Village podcasts again.

Otha Ethan Graham got me into the podcast while I was in Costa Rica. I listened to some sermons, and loved it. I would still like to visit one day.

Working through Luke, I think its a 13 part church series, is going to be my next task. Working through the gospels is something that I haven't done in a while.

If anyone wants to work through Luke, or anything else with me. Let me know, always open to studying anything!

Being Content

I am not content with anything.

Whether its a grade, and I strive for a better one.
or
Trying to get a better paying job.
or
Trying to beat a personal record in a video game.
or
Content with relationships, trying to deepen them more, or even find new ones.

It's easier to want more, more,more. Will there ever be a time when "more" doesn't exist. A time you reach a place where you can't be any higher?

On this Earth, and especially material wise the answer is no. There will always be something better, or newer that will be something to be strived for.

While in prison, Paul wrote a letter to his friends in Phillipi. He stated:

I have learned the great secret of life, how to be content. Whether it is the highest of highs or the lowest of lows, I am content because I am in Christ Jesus. I have strength for anything that life brings my way, because of the one who give me the power to life.

Based on that, I should be content with who I am in Jesus, and the relationship that I have with him. On the other hand, I am not content with the relationship I have with him, because theres always room for improvement, whether its being more in the word, doing a better job of sharing my faith, etc. I guess that I should be content with what he has given me however, and done for me. I mean he died for me. That is something that as a Christian I have known since I was very little, yet sometimes isn't really thought about.

I am content with who I am in and through Jesus Christ.

Podcasts and Scripture

I enjoy reading. I have a huge collection of books in my room. Most of them pertain to sports, christianity, and politics, plus the random ones like the biography of Selena. Theres no denying that I enjoy going to half price books, and could probably max out a credit card there if given the chance. There is so much knowledge to be gained from books. Think about it. Think about how many books there are in the entire world, and how their pages are filled with the exact things you are reading now, words.

I even read my textbooks for school. Hard to believe, but it's true.

Why though is it so hard to read scripture sometimes? I fall into pits where I simply just don't read. I would rather listen to a podcast of a sermon, or watch a sermon on tv, talk scripture with someone, hear others opinions on scripture, etc, but when it comes to actually sitting down with a bible and reading the Word of God, I often find it to be a challenge.

So, when people ask or allude to the fact of "being in the word" I often find myself in an awkward position. I am in the word because of the things that I do like listen to podcasts and even CRU meetings from over schools, but is that actually being in the word?

I guess that its good to do those things like podcats, but that shouldn't be your only source of scripture. Podcasts are great, and I have grown a great deal just listening to them on a daily basis walking to class instead of listening to music.

The true way to grow though is to actually read,memorize,and teach scripture and the best way to do that is to literally sit down and read it from an actual bible.

Why is it so hard to do!?

Direction

I am going to come out and just say it, I have no direction.

I have no sense of direction when it comes to driving or knowing how to get a certain place. I have a GPS, sometimes I use in the city, because I don't know where to go. Embarassing, but its who I am.

I have no clue what I am doing after this semester as far as school. I will more than likely be working this summer, and hopefully starting grad school in the fall. I havent got into grad school yet though, so I don't know. I have no clue what direction I am heading in.

Going along with school, I have no direction professionally. I have a great internship, and enjoy my self during ASG, and have even though about a career in politics at the local level, and maybe even one day in the Texas House of Representativs. However, its just a thought, and not really a direction.

I sometimes lack direction in friendships, where to go, who to establish relationships with, just direction in friendships.

Direction has always been a problem, and still is to this day. What I do know is my direction in Christ. I know that I will continue to seek him, and try to grow spiritually. I do not have many concrete things in my life, absolutes that I know where I am going. The one absolute is that Christ will be a part of my life daily, and continue to until the day I spend eternity with him.

THAT Guy

Most of the time, being THAT guy, normally had a bad connotation to it. You don't want to be THAT guy. Whether its

That guy that always tells horrible stories
That guy that smells bad
That guy that can't get over himself

I want to be THAT guy.

What guy? What is he talking about? Has he lost his mind?

The answer in one word, is absolutely.

I often don't get too upset with the things of this world. I mean they are of this world. I won't be able to take my money (or lack thereof) with me. On the day I die, they wont say I had X number of friends. It just doesn't really matter all that much.

What does matter though is being happy in the Lord, and finding people to share that experience with on a daily basis. People you can learn with together, but also people whose company you enjoy and hope that they enjoy yours.

Throughout High School, and even college (actually especially during college) I knew/know people.

I try to be as friendly as possible to people, even though it's hard sometimes, and I fail a great deal of the time. I however am nice to people, saying hi, waving, shaking hands, ironically much like a politician, minus the corruptness.

I came to college, got involved in Chi Alpha, and quickly established a group of friends like I mentioned above. People that I could grow with, but at the same time take it easy and have a good time.

Times changed, I left Chi Alpha to join CRU.

I don't regret the decision one bit, because I have met amazing people, and grown a great deal, but I can't help but wonder how things would be if I had stayed with Chi Alpha.

Chi Alpha, is probably about half the size of CRU, but has the same amount of heart and passion for Christ than students in CRU.

At Chi Alpha, I would like to think, actually I am pretty sure I was THAT guy. Not in a bad way, but in a popular way. I had a room on campus that was great, was growing in my walk, loved the people I was around. I was THAT guy that everyone wanted to be around. The guy that people called first when something was going on, or called to see what was going on. One of my friends even called me the "events coordinator."

Coming to CRU, and even to this day I am still not THAT guy. Although I think people enjoy spending time with me, and I enjoy spending time with them I am often left on the outside of things. 

I live off campus, have a super busy professional life whether its the internship, ASG, or anything else, I am just not THAT guy.

I find myself making the phone calls to see whats happening, most of the time things already in progress.

This post isn't meant to be Emo, or depressing, or even to try and make me feel like I am THAT guy. CRU is just so big, and I have spread myself thin as far as relationships. I am still the person that everyone knows, and I guess I have to live with that.

I guess I am THAT guy that loves Jesus and loves people. Does anything else really matter? Even whether or not I am THAT guy?

Born Again-Republican or Democrat?

A few days ago, I wrote that I didnt think being Christian meant I had to be and vote Republican. Obviously I am not the only one, heres a few interesting things that I recently read about Born Again Christians.

"Born again Christians" are defined as people who said they have made a personal commitment to Jesus Christ that is still important in their life today and who also indicated they believe that when they die they will go to Heaven because they had confessed their sins and had accepted Jesus Christ as their savior. Respondents are not asked to describe themselves as "born again."

A new national survey of likely voters conducted by The Barna Group, shows that the Republicans have lost the allegiance of many born again voters. The November election is truly up for grabs - and if the election were held today, most born again voters would select the Democratic Party nominee for president, whoever that might be. Hopefully it is Obama though :)
 
In 1992, born again voters sided with Republican incumbent George H.W. Bush over Democratic challenger Bill Clinton by a 39% to 35% margin. In the 1996 election, born again voters again sided with the Republican candidate (Bob Dole) rather than the incumbent Democratic President Bill Clinton by a 49% to 43% margin. In the 2000 election, the born again constituency gave Republican nominee George W. Bush a resounding 57% to 42% margin over Democratic challenger Al Gore. In 2004, the born again segment again sided with George W. Bush, giving him a lopsided 62% to 38% preference over Democratic hopeful John Kerry.

In the past couple of elections, the born again vote represented about half of the total number of votes cast in the U.S. Given the razor thin margin of victory achieved by President Bush in 2000, and the close tally in 2004, the born again vote was vital in both of the Bush victories.

Compared to recent presidential elections, the current leanings of the born again constituency have reversed. The new Barna study shows that if the election were to be held today, 40% of all born again adults who are likely to vote in November would choose the Democratic candidate and just 29% would choose the Republican candidate. The remaining 28% are currently not sure whom they would choose, preferring to make their selection on the basis of the candidate than strictly on the basis of his or her party affiliation.

George Barna, whose firm conducted the national survey, indicated that Republicans have an uphill climb with the born again voters. "Given the large percentage of undecided voters, it is possible that the Republican candidate might eventually win a majority of the born again vote," he explained. "However, it will not be easy to win them over. Several factors are operating against the Republican’s prospects in this election, related to both social issues and the personal integrity of several of the candidates."

If the election were held today, and all of the remaining candidates from both parties were on the ballot, the frontrunners among born again voters would be Hillary Clinton (favored by 20% of born again likely voters), Barack Obama (18%) and Mike Huckabee (12%). No other candidate reached double figures. Thirty percent of the born again likely voters said they were still undecided as to who they would choose.

It is amazing to see how things have changed over the last four years in the mindset of a christian. Obviously the bible has changed in four years, and won't change in the next four. That will always be the same book that we know, (or should know), love and devote our lives too.

I find it interesting that thirty percent of born agains haven't made up their minds yet. I wonder how many people that represents.

Born Again? I would love to know if you are republican,democrat,neither?

New Beginnings And A Clean Slate

I have talked about this before, and written about it in my journal before,but I love the idea and reality of new beginnings. It doesn't matter to me if its a new day, a new week, a new month, a new year, a new job, a new friendship. I love to have my slate wiped clean. I like that feeling that whatever happened in the past is simply that, the past. There is nothing I can do to change it, and even if I could I probably wouldn't because my life wouldn't be what it is today, if I was able to re-do things. New beginnings are great.

I will be a very good place spiritually, when all of a sudden something happens that throws everything out of order. I then begin to sulk in my own sin, while I doubt myself and if God has indeed done anything in my life, and question how I can screw up everything he has given me.

Then a new beginning occurs. A new day comes, a new song is heard, a new friendship is made, that really just puts things back into perspective and gets me back on track.

Life is going to have its ups and downs, there is absolutely no question about that. What is absolute though is that a new beginning will occur, but do not rely on it. That is often where I fail. I say well today I can do this, because tomorrow is a new start, a clean slate. That isn't how it works, but a lot of the time that is my thought process.

So do not rely on that clean slate, but instead do everything that you can do to keep it clean.

Moses The Crackhead?

Ok it wasn't really crack, but someone out there seems to think Moses was on something

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=4392361&page=1

Moses and the Israelites were on drugs, says Benny Shanon, an Israeli professor of cognitive philosophy.


Writing in the British Journal Time and Mind, he claims Moses was probably on psychedelic drugs when he received the Ten Commandments from God.

According to Shanon, a professor at Hebrew University, two naturally existing plants in the Sinai Peninsula have the same psychoactive components as ones found in the Amazon jungle and are well-known for their mind-altering capabilities. The drugs are usually combined in a drink called ayahuasca. 

"As far as Moses on Mount Sinai is concerned, it was either a supernatural cosmic event, which I don't believe, or a legend, which I don't believe either, or finally, and this is very probable, an event that joined Moses and the people of Israel under the effects of narcotics," he told Israel Radio in an interview Tuesday.

These types of stories are always coming out and being the Naive, or maybe more accurately curious person I am always read these and think about the possibilities.

I think that these stories, although interesting, are far fetched and simply not believable.

The Bible mentions four powerful drugs, three that are said to be stronger than the modern day LSD. They are wormwood, hemlock, gall and myrrh. I believe that none of these are ever used to induce visions or revelations  including the 10 commandments. No prophet of God ever used drugs to speak or listen to God in the Scriptures, including Moses.

Two Percent

So much for writing everyday, lets go with hopefully every day.

Jeremiah 1:7-8 says

"Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you."

Personally, as with a lot of Christians, it is definately easy to not share your faith. The hard part is jumping out of the comfort zone, sharing your face and not coming up with a lot of excuses.

"I am just a college kid, who is still trying to figure it all out," is an excuse I usually come up with. I am still trying to figure it all out, we all are. There will be good days, and there will also be bad days. There is no denying that, but the fact I don't have it all figured out shouldn't prevent me from sharing. I am just a "child" a 22 year old college student.

According to Bill Bright, founder of Campus Crusade for Christ, only 2% of Christians actively share their faith. That number hurts me deep down in the heart. The statistic SHOULD be totally reversed. Ideally 100 % of christians should share their faith, but 98 would be amazing, compared to the ridiculously low 2%.

There is no step by step process to sharing your faith. We all do it (or don't) a little bit differently, but there are different guidelines and tools out there to help you overcome this fear, and hopefully overcome this ridiculous number of 2%.

Faith and the 08 Election

It is March 4th, which means that today Texas may decide who is the next President of the United States. A scary thought, one certainly I didn't think would happen. I most definitely thought that by now we would already know for the most part on both sides who the nominees would be. We still really know that McCain is the guy for the republicans, but the democrats is a different story.

Being a Christian, and voting in elections often means you have a different agenda than most people. Although I would venture to say that Christians take a look at their faith, and politics, the two hardly go hand and hand.

Way back John Edwards spoke about how prayer helped him get through the death of his son and his wife's cancer diagnoses. Obama repeatedly used a phrase that most of us are familiar with "my brother's keeper" as he spoke about poverty and injustice. Clinton's faith came about when she was talking about getting her through her husband's infidelities.

The candidates on both side I believe have brought up intimate real discussions regarding faith and how it informs both their views on policy, the world, people, and how they themselves live their daily lives.

On the other side, Giuliani is a Roman Catholic who sadly is on his third marriage and who takes liberal positions on social issues. McCain, who is looking like the "winner" is Episcopalian, but rarely mentions his faith. Romney talked about his Mormonism as central to his life, but he's done at least for 08.

McCain is not my guy, and the fact that I am Christian does not mean that I HAVE to vote Republican. I have heard that, and did in 2004 when I cast my vote for *Gasp* ........John Kerry. Not George Bush. Four years later, I am proud to say I voted for John Kerry. Would he have done any better in office? I don't know. What I do know is that I have been an Obama supporter for over a year, and cast my vote for him weeks ago.

Obama 08

Another day at Alkek

As I sit in Alkek, (for those of you that don't know that is the Texas State Library), with an hour to kill I figure this is a good of time as any to start this blog.

Why am I starting a blog? Is it because it's the trendy thing to do? Is this a fad, or will it last? I used to have a Xanga, but this is a bit more professional, and hopefully will have a bit more insight than the Xanga did, which probably won't be too hard to do since the Xanga was pretty ridiculous, and not much substance.

The thoughts that run through my head usually stay there unless I find some poor soul to spew them out to. You few people know who you are, and I thank you for giving me an outlet.

I am a pretty open book. I really have nothing to hide in my life, which is more than can be said for most. I share myself daily with people. and hope that this blog will be another way that I can allow myself to be a part of your life and vice versa.

It's a great day to be a Bobcat