Bobcat Athletics

So after years of wanting to be a journalist, I made the decision that I wanted to stick around San Marcos and work in the Texas State Athletic Department. I've made it very well known that I want to work there, but so far the opportunities just havent popped up. A couple of 12K jobs have opened up, but seriously I could make more money working at McDonalds. Yes it isn't all about the money, but 12K is seriously a slap in the face.

So now, my options are still graduate school which involves more school, and probably more debt, or finding a job around San Marcos hoping that a decent opportunity comes up sometime.

Right now I joke around a lot that I am really not doing much of anything, but thats not the case. I am still interning in the athletic department (even though it looks like i wont get any kind of good job there yet), and I am still working with BobcatFans and in some capacity ASG.

So there are a lot of things still up in the air which is scary, but I know that somehow the Lord will provide for me a plan.

So prayers are needed for direction and guidance that I keep on track with what he wants for me, instead of what I want for me. Easier said than done.

Hamilton and the Job Hunt

I missed out yesterday, dang it!

Anyways, I hope at least one person read yesterdays post, because not many people outside the baseball fan community know about Josh Hamilton. Right now, he is on top of the baseball and sports world and is shouting Jesus's name from the rooftops in every interview that I have ever seen him do.

It's absolutely amazing to think the journey Christ takes us on to put us where we are.

I am still on the job hunt. I have my application in a few places on campus, hopefully I land one of them!

Josh Hamilton

Christian Athletes are a hard thing to come by. I am sure that there are a lot of athletes who believe, or even go to church, but athletes with real relationships with Christ are I think a rarity.

Josh Hamilton has an amazing story, and he has without a doubt become my favorite athlete in all of professional sports.

I don't know how to go into everything without just throwing an article at you that tells you his entire story. I will comment on it tomorrow, but in the mean time here you go.

Faith brings Texas Rangers' Hamilton back from the brink
By EVAN GRANT / The Dallas Morning News
• • • 

SMITHFIELD, N.C. – Just past 8 a.m. on a gray Eastern Carolina Friday, Josh Hamilton's silver GMC truck, grinding gravel into grit, rumbles into the alley directly across Market Street from the Ava Gardner Museum. 

His ash-colored sweatpants are streaked with grease, the residue of eating a chicken biscuit while driving 40 miles from his home in Cary at the crack of dawn. As he enters a hollowed out jewelry store turned batting cage, Hamilton yanks a Rangers royal blue fleece shirt over his head. 

"I like this color," he says from under the shirt. "It really brings out the blue in my eyes." 

Just then, his sturdy, heavily tattooed forearms emerge and his head breaks free. He is 6-4, 240 pounds and has a smile that would have made one of the sirens Gardner portrayed on the screen swoon. 

Now, it's time to go to work, another full day of preparing for his future as the Rangers' center fielder. 

He spends 45 minutes in the cage working with Johnny Narron, friend and mentor and new Rangers special assignment coach. Hamilton swings one-handed with an easy but powerful grace. He hits a handful of line drives off tees and soft-tosses and then another 25-30 in full-scale batting practice. It's a breeze compared to last winter, when he would hit 300-400 balls a day while trying to cram the 3 ½ seasons that he lost to drug addiction into two months. 

The rest of the day includes 2 ½ hours with a merciless personal trainer. On alternate days, he visits a similarly sadistic pilates instructor. 

When he finally gets home and takes off his size 16 shoes, the doorbell rings. A lab technician is waiting. Three times a week, Hamilton's past and future intersect when he urinates into a cup and waits for confirmation that tells the baseball world what he has known for 27 months: He is clean, sober and drug-free. 

"I think he looks forward to the tests," Narron says. "He knows he's an addict. He knows he has to be accountable. He looks at those tests as a way to reassure people around him who had faith." 

Expression of faith 

Faith. It comes up often in the story of 26-year-old Joshua Holt Hamilton. It's virtually impossible to tell his story without mentioning his Christian faith. He'd prefer you not even try. 
 
Washington Post 
New Rangers center fielder Josh Hamilton, here with his daugher, Sierra, lost 3 1/2 seasons to drug addiction before being signed in 2006 by Cincinnati. 

Faith, he regularly testifies, has put him back in baseball after four years of addiction problems so ugly you can't blame his family for not wanting to relive them. But because of faith, they do – to churches, youth groups and halfway houses. 

If Hamilton could shake his habit – it included downing a bottle of Crown Royal almost daily and cocaine and crack cravings so strong he burned through a $3.96 million signing bonus – and finally get to the big leagues last season, there had to be a reason. 

The reason came to his wife, Katie, more than two years ago in a dream while Hamilton was serving a year-long suspension ordered by Major League Baseball for multiple failed drug tests. 

"God told me he was going to give Josh baseball back, but it wasn't going to be for baseball," Katie says. "It was going to be for something much bigger. He was going to give Josh a platform to help others. He is the most beautiful choreographer. It's not by accident that all the things that have happened in our lives have happened." 

On this particular January weekend, Hamilton tells the story three times: To a reporter, to an audience of 500 at Apex Baptist Church and to a rescue mission. The talks usually last about an hour. When Katie is involved, they almost always involve tears. And the crowd, whether it's one or 500, sits engrossed. 

The full story can't be captured in an hour. To really understand how far Hamilton has come, it's important to understand just how far he fell. 

When he was barely 15, Hamilton was already a North Carolina sports legend. He was that rarest of finds, a true five-tool player. Left-handed, he was so gifted that he occasionally played shortstop and even hoped to be a catcher. But coaches were too protective of his arm because when he pitched, he hit 95-96 mph. When he played the outfield, nobody ran on him. When he hit, everybody gasped at the power. 

"I've seen some really special amateur players – Kirk Gibson and Bo Jackson – but Josh is the most talented kid I've ever seen," says Jax Robertson, special assistant to the Pittsburgh Pirates' general manager – and whose son was a teammate of Hamilton's at Athens Drive High School in Raleigh, N.C. "Every skill was above average; some were off the charts. He had instincts, athleticism, passion and compassion." 

The Tampa Bay Devil Rays made Hamilton the first overall choice in the 1999 draft. He was the first high school player to be No. 1 since Alex Rodriguez in 1993. 

Hamilton signed two days later. His parents left their home to be his chaperone. Together, they packed up and headed to Princeton, W.Va., in the rookie-level Appalachian League. Almost immediately, Hamilton was launching talk-of-the-town homers. Within two years, he was named the top prospect in all of the minors. 

Then it crumbled. 

In February 2001, Hamilton and his parents were involved in a car accident in Bradenton, Fla., after one of his spring workouts when a dump truck sideswiped their pickup truck. His parents, Tony and Linda, had to return to North Carolina because of their injuries. For the first time in his life, Josh Hamilton was alone. 

He eventually ended up on the disabled list that May because of lingering back issues, probably from the accident. Someone used to constant activity and who had been somewhat sheltered from teammates suddenly had nothing but time and money on his hands. He started hanging out at a tattoo shop, where he had earlier had Hammer inked on his right arm. 

One tattoo led to another. He has himself inked with flames, tribal signs and blank-eyed demons, 26 images in all. He started hanging out with the guys from the place, too. He joined them one night at a strip joint. That, Hamilton says, is when he took his first drink and snorted his first line of cocaine. 
 
Getty Images 
Josh Hamilton, selected by the Tampa Bay Devil Rays with the top pick in the 1999 draft, has 26 tattoos on his body. 

"It was just a familiar place to go," Hamilton says. "They weren't bad people. They just did bad things. But I chose to do it." 

The initial cocaine high, brought on by the drug's stimulant properties, is one of euphoria and a rush of energy. In some ways, it's like the rush from hitting a homer or throwing out a runner. Hamilton couldn't play, but he found a substitute for the feeling. 

A couple of weeks later, Rays officials sent him to see a sports psychologist because it seemed his lingering back problem was affecting his outlook. The psychologist also asked Hamilton if there was more he wanted to discuss. Hamilton mentioned experimenting with drugs. 

"I was on a plane to Betty Ford the next day," he says. "They told me it was about my parents; I wasn't having any of that. It didn't have anything to do with my parents or anybody else. It was my decision." 

He lasted eight days at the Ford Clinic. It began a cycle: There were failed drug tests, suspensions, short rehab trips, stretches of sobriety, reinstatement and, inevitably, relapse. 

After Hamilton was reinstated in May 2003, his first workout included a homer over the 30-foot batter's eye in center field. Afterwards, some teammates invited him out. He declined. Instead, Hamilton went out alone and got trashed. 

"I did it on purpose," he says. "I just couldn't come to grips with how to deal with the life. I remember a couple days after that – I showed up for early hitting knowing I had failed a test. I sat in the dugout with [hitting coach] Steve Henderson. I looked at the pitcher's mound and the field, and I just said, 'This might be it for me.' I started to cry." 

Downward spiral 

Over the next two years, there were more tears and more self-destructive behavior. 

In September 2003, Hamilton ended an aimless drive at the back door of Raleigh homebuilder Michael Dean Chadwick at 11 p.m. Chadwick had battled drug addiction for 15 years before becoming a faith-based motivational speaker. Hamilton briefly dated his daughter, Katie, in 2002. 

"I've thought about why he ended up here numerous times, but the truth is I don't know; I just think it was destiny," says Chadwick, now Hamilton's father-in-law. "I took one look at him, and I might not have known who he was but I knew what he was. It wasn't very long into our conversation I realized the only chance, and it was a slim chance, for him to get back was that he had to come to it on his terms." 

Others reached out to Hamilton, but he couldn't find the power to take their hands. 

He married Katie during a sober stretch in 2004, but within six months the marriage was strained. On the day that Katie returned from the hospital following the birth of their daughter, Sierra, she sent Hamilton to pick up prescriptions. A 10-minute errand stretched into something much longer. Katie called a local bar. Josh was there. 

"That's when I knew we had the battle of our lives on our hands," Katie says. 

Everyone around Hamilton has a similar story. His father, Tony, remembers leaving Josh in a hospital one night, seeing his son's heart beat so hard "the shirt jumped off his chest," and not knowing if he'd see his son alive again. 
 
Washington Post 
Josh Hamilton's wife, Katie, shown here with their daughter, Sierra, listens to her husband talk about getting a second chance to get to the major leagues. 

Chadwick once paid a $2,000 debt to stop a drug dealer from harassing Hamilton. He remembers Hamilton's 24th birthday, May 21, 2005, as the "night from hell." 

Hamilton dug ditches and swept model homes for Chadwick's company during his baseball exile. He showed up at an employees party and quickly grabbed a drink. Before the night was over, he ripped the rearview mirror off his truck, punched out the windshield and was twice stopped by police. Following the second incident, he was taken to jail. When he was released, Hamilton says he ran eight miles to an acquaintance's home. 

Hamilton cites a day in the summer of 2005 as his lowest moment. He awoke from a crack binge in a stiflingly hot trailer surrounded by a half-dozen unfamiliar stoned faces. His reaction: He loaned his truck to a dealer to get more crack. When the dealer didn't return, Hamilton took off on foot, found a pay phone and called his temporarily estranged wife. She picked him up. 

He showed up shortly afterwards at his grandmother's home, gaunt and disheveled. Mary Holt couldn't turn him away. But it wasn't until after he used in his grandmother's home and she confronted him about it that something changed. 

"I'm tired of you killing yourself," she told him in October 2005. "I'm tired of watching you hurt all of these people who care about you." 

"It was different when she said it," Hamilton says. "That was the moment my heart opened up, and I could actually hear what I was doing. I had lost my family and everybody close to me. That's when I surrendered." 

Reds take a chance 

The road back from those depths would appear to be long, considering Hamilton went three years without playing a game. Really, though, it wasn't. 

MLB lifted the suspension in June 2006 after Hamilton was sober for eight months. He played 15 games at the lowest rung on the minor league ladder. Eight months later, he was in the majors. Of course, another unexplainable twist of fate – or faith – was involved. 
 
Getty Images 
Cincinnati acquired Hamilton through the Rule 5 draft in 2006 after his suspension was lifted by MLB. He hit 292 with 19 HRs in 90 games. 

Tampa Bay didn't protect Hamilton on its 40-man roster after the 2006 season. Rays general manager Andrew Friedman doesn't look back at a wasted draft pick. 

"You want all of your decisions to work out in this game. Some don't, and you accept them," Friedman said. "Josh, he's fought through such adversity to turn his life around, and no matter what uniform he wears we will always be pleased about that." 

Cincinnati maneuvered to get him through the Rule 5 draft. The one caveat: The Reds had to keep him in the majors all season. It was a gamble. But in Reds manager Jerry Narron, who once fought to keep an unproven Michael Young on his Rangers team six years ago, Hamilton found an advocate. 

Narron's brother, Johnny, had coached Hamilton as a teen. Jerry had seen Hamilton's talent up close. After doctors suggested what support Hamilton might need to make the against-the-odds transition to the majors, one thought stuck with Jerry: Get Johnny back together with him.. 

"Doctors told us he'd need somebody to talk to, somebody who he could trust, who he could depend on," Jerry says. "The guy that fit that to a 'T' was Johnny." 

Within a week, Hamilton and Johnny were working together in Smithfield. Johnny joined Cincinnati's staff. In addition to scouting video and assisting with hitting instruction, Hamilton's welfare fell under Johnny's duties. 

They were rarely apart. When Hamilton got antsy in the clubhouse, Johnny would play patsy on NCAA Football '07. When Hamilton went on the disabled list, Narron accompanied him on daily movie expeditions, even if meant sitting through "Transformers" for three consecutive days. They talked daily about baseball, life and faith. 

"He is a unique talent who has some unique needs," Johnny says. "I'm there for him and all 25 players. Whatever I do for Josh, I'd do for anybody in the clubhouse." 

The Reds could have returned Hamilton to Tampa Bay last spring, but he won a roster spot and received a standing ovation from 42,000 fans in Cincinnati on Opening Day. He was among the leading contenders for NL Rookie of the Year for a few months, but problems with a wrist and hamstring limited him to 90 games, hitting .292 with 19 homers. 

When the Rangers started pursuing a trade for Hamilton this winter, the Narrons were among the first calls that general manager Jon Daniels made. The due diligence didn't stop there. 

The Rangers consulted with MLB about potential penalties if Hamilton relapses. For the record, there is no precedent regarding further penalties; it would be handled at commissioner Bud Selig's discretion. 

The Rangers spoke to doctors about dealing with addiction. They did some basic research on athletes and addiction. They found, at least on an anecdotal level, athletes who had strong faith-based beliefs were better positioned to stay clean. 

UT-Southwestern addiction specialist Dr. Bryon Adinoff concurs. 

"If you replace addiction with religion, it's not an addiction' it's something meaningful, socially appropriate and rewarding," Adinoff says. "It's typically very healthy behavior." 

To that end, the Rangers wanted first-hand knowledge of how Hamilton expressed his faith. They sent scouts to some of his talks. 

"He seemed to be presenting a very consistent message," Daniels says. "Before he got involved with drugs, everybody who dealt with him thought he was a very high-quality guy. We saw that. I think there are two things that have played a part in why this attempt at fighting addiction has been successful: Family and faith." 

"I haven't gotten tired of telling this story yet," Hamilton says. "It's my obligation – no, it's my privilege – to tell it to whoever wants to hear it. I realize how fortunate I am. If people can see that I'm not that different than them, maybe it can help them, too." 

Because for all the amazing physical tools Josh Hamilton has displayed, the one that has made him a major leaguer is one everybody is capable of developing. 

It's faith.

Space Jam

The past.... those two words conjure up so many different memories. Some good and some not so good.

Tonight I watched Space Jam. It was a big time blast from the past, and made me think about a lot where I have been.

It reminded me of Waco, and everything that went on there. I had lots of good times, but lots of bad times also happened. I thought about

-the principals office visits
-the fights
-the bullying (both ways)
-the good grades
-the bad grades
-the baseball
-the basketball
-the girlfriends
-choir
-journalism
-science fair
-video games
-the TV shows
-Disney movies
-skating
-karate

I could go on and on, but whats the point? Most of that stuff is gone, and is being replaced with new memories. I will never forget these things. It got me thinking as to how God has shaped my life. Everything that has ever happened in my life was not me doing it, it was God orchestrating his amazing plan for me to bring me where I am today, and to lead me tomorrow. It's absolutely crazy to think that God brought me here. God brought me through all that, and then some. God brought me to Texas State, where I met certain people and got involved in christian ministries on campus.

It's crazy to think that God used Space Jam to bring all these memories back, but thats exactly what happened.

Jesus Camp

I just got done watching "Jesus Camp" and I am pretty shocked. I guess I shouldn't be, but I am.

If you don't know what "Jesus Camp" is about here is a description:
Jesus Camp directed by Heidi Ewing and Rachel Grady directors of the critically acclaimed The Boys Of Baraka follows Levi Rachael and Tory to Pastor Becky Fischer's "Kids On Fire" summer camp in Devil's Lake North Dakota where kids as young as 6 years-old are taught to become dedicated Christian soldiers in "God's army". The film follows these children at camp as they hone their "prophetic gifts" and are schooled in how to "take back America for Christ." The film is a first-ever look into an intense training ground that recruits born-again Christian children to become an active part of America's political future.

I grew up catholic, so the word "evangelical" was like a foreign language to me. Then I came to college, got involved in Chi Alpha and things changed. I saw this "movement" firsthand and experienced it for two years weekly and on a larger scale at conferences.

Then I got involved in CRU and things were different, in a good way.

This "camp" is one of the craziest radical things I have ever seen. It follows the story of three kids who are about as evangelical as they come, and have a twisted view of what Christianity is all about. From global warming to speaking in tongues over a cardboard cut out of George Bush, this movie is pretty disturbing.

At the beginning of this documentary, Pastor Becky Fischer tells an audience of children it is their duty to change the world because there are too many fat and lazy Christians out there that are not helping. Crazy thing is she weighs 250-300 pounds. She also states that she wants her children to be as radical as Muslim Jihadists.

The only voice of reason in this entire thing is Mike Papantonio, an attorney and talk show host who is absolutely astonished at what Fischer is teaching these kids.

These people mean well, and they really do believe everything they are preaching. There were some good parts to this movie, but for the most part it was scary.

Watch this video on Youtube, let me know what you think.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=caX9g6uHciU

Spurs and "21"

I missed posting yesterday, my bad. I actually thought about it at about 12:15 but it would have counted for today, so I waited until now.

And I still don't have a whole lot to talk about.

The spurs let me down tonight, I can't quit thinking about the game.

I just realized how caught up in sports we get. If I knew half the stuff about the bible as I did about sports, I would be in pretty good shape. 

I mean really does it matter in the grand scheme of things that I can list you the starting lineups, or even benches of some professional sports teams? It's absolutely absurd once you really think about it.

I saw the movie "21" today. I was hoping for better, but not bad for $1.50. There was a line in there, that you might have heard before, but that I thought was kind of interesting:

"Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery." 

Isn't that the truth? I mean I can't help what happened yesterday, or last week, last month,last year, but what I can change is tomorrow. I can change the way I live my life and hope that daily I get closer and closer to living the life Jesus Christ has laid out for me and figuring out this mystery called Christianity.

Water

When I think of San Marcos, one of the first things I think about is the river. Sewell/Rio Vista/5 mile, whatever the case, San Marcos and this area has a lot of water. Growing up in Waco I had Lake Waco, but it isn't even on par with what this area has.

I started thinking about Water in the bible.

The first mention of water in scripture is found in  the very first chapter of Genesis  and the last mention is found in Revelation 22 In between those two books water flows through the pages of scripture, about 722 times This should teach is that there is a great spiritual significance to it.

In Genesis 1:20, we read of the first mention of life, and this life comes from water, "...Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life...". This just blows my mind. Water is so simple, yet so amazing. John 3 verse 5 says, "Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God."  

Water speaks to us of the word of God 

San Marcos is amazing for so many reasons, but the water is one of the best

Homeless Ministry

Jason Pierce, a very good friend of mine, got me thinking today about Homeless Ministry.

Living in Waco, I saw a pretty good deal of homeless people. Mission Waco does a great job helping homeless people, and Waco in general. In fact one of my favorite churches in Waco is "Church Under The Bridge," which is exactly what it sounds like. It is a haven for those who are not as fortunate as I am for whatever reason. 

Here is an interesting stat and comment by Jimmy Dorrell, who is with Mission Waco:

Waco ranked 19 in the nation for cities containing people below the poverty line in 1990. "That means 20 percent of the kids are below the poverty line," Dorrell said. "Many people can only work 29 hours a week because the company doesn't want to pay for benefits. That means they're making $10,080 per year, which is $7,000 below the poverty level."

Wow. Mission Waco has this program called "Poverty Simulation," it's pretty simple and I attended it in high school. It is exactly what it sounds like, a poverty simulation. I would love to go back and do it again if possible because I really didn't get the full scope of things last time.

http://www.missionwaco.org/povsimhtml.html

Theres the link if anyone wants to check it out...

We have probably all heard this story before, but it's still a good one to hear over and over. In Luke 16, there is a story about a rich man. On his doorstep there was a beggar named Lazarus. The rich man and Lazarus both died,the rich man was sent to hell and Lazarus to heaven. There is no indication the rich man ever did anything wrong to Lazarus. He was simply indifferent to someone the Lord had literally laid on his doorstep.

“And his soul went to the place of the dead. There, in torment, he saw Lazarus in the far distance with Abraham. The rich man shouted, `Father Abraham, have some pity! Send Lazarus over here to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in anguish in these flames.' But Abraham said to him, `Son, remember that during your lifetime you had everything you wanted, and Lazarus had nothing. So now he is here being comforted, and you are in anguish. And besides, there is a great chasm separating us. Anyone who wanted to cross over to you from here is stopped at its edge, and no one there can cross over to us' ” (Luke 16:23-26). 

The important thing that is so hard for us to accomplish on a daily basis is that we recognize whom God has put on our doorstep, and minister to them. So whether that is simply giving a homeless person a meal, or money or a warm shower, the fact is that they were put into out lives for the same reason that you were put into my life, because thats the way God planned it.

More Like Month By Month

When I started this, I really did mean for it to be a daily thing, and I am going to honestly try harder to make it a daily thing even though I think the people that read it could probably be counted on a single hand.

A lot has changed in the past month, for the good and bad. You can try and figure out which is which.

1. Relationships have changed. The summer is always rough whether it is going back home where I don't have a good group of Christian friends, or in San Marcos when people do their things at camps. There is still a good group here in San Marcos, and I am growing with them. The crazy thing is that they are moving on with their lives soon and I am not. It's a scary thought.
2. I have spent a lot of time in some excellent Podcasts. Podcasts really are excellent because you can "almost" attend church around the world. Over the years, and especially this past year I have listened to the Austin Stone podcast weekly. There are other ones that I listen to including Mosaic in LA, The Village in Dallas, John Bevere's church, Joshua Harris's church, and other various podcasts like "The Boundless" show which is amazing.
3. GRADUATION. Wow it is a scary thought. I graduated, and a few days later attended my mom's graduation. It was a whole gamut full of emotions. It was bitter-sweet.
4. I still have no direction regarding a job or school. Right now my life is up in the air. It's pretty crazy.
5. I couldn't go without saying that American Idol is over for now. Another bitter-sweet moment. At least this one will come again next year.

You might have noticed that I really enjoy podcasting, and The Boundless Show has become without a doubt one of my favorite ones to listen to. It is basically people sitting around talking about relationships for the most part, but there are other things thrown in there. They talk about singles groups in the church, and Christian online dating and everything that goes along with that. They also talk about movies like "Juno" and video game addiction. Overall this is just a really great podcast that I suggest checking out.

The Boundless Show got me thinking about podcasting and college. I have had so many interesting conversations with so many different people over the past few years that it may be easy to me to recall them right now, or even in the near future, but man it would be nice to have some of that on audio that I can save forever. I am thinking of hosting, or maybe just participating in a podcast with my Christian friends. I really don't know how to do any of this, or even what kind of equipment would be needed but I really think this is something that I want to do. 

My friend Javier Garcia really had been on me lately about how my day by day wasn't really living up to it's name. I am glad that I have a friend like him that cares enough about me to want to read this and really push me to post more.

Rubber,Metal and Glass

Here is something I read that makes a lot of sense to me, wondering if it makes sense to anyone else.

Tim Sanders—former chief solutions officer at Yahoo! and author of Love Is the Killer App—shares the following thought about establishing priorities:

Take your life and all the things that you think are important, and put them in one of three categories. These three categories are represented by three items: glass, metal, and rubber.

The things that are made of rubber, when you drop them, will bounce back. Nothing really happens when these kinds of things get dropped. So, for instance (and I enjoy sporting events, so don't take me wrong here), if I miss a Seahawks' game, my life will bounce along real fine. It doesn't change anything and nothing is lost—my missing a game or a season of football will not alter my marriage or my spiritual life. I can take 'em or leave 'em.

Things that are made of metal, when they get dropped, create a lot of noise. But you can recover from the drop. You miss a meeting at work, you can get the cliff notes. Or if you forget to balance your checkbook and lose track of how much you have in your account, and the bank notifies you that you have been spending more than you have—that's going to create a little bit of noise in your life, but you can recover from it.

Then there are things made of glass. And when you drop one of these, it will shatter into pieces and never be the same. Even though you can piece it back together, it will still be missing some pieces. It certainly won't look the same, and I doubt that you could actually fill it up with water, because the consequences of it be being broken will forever affect how it's used.

The thing is, you're the only person who knows what those things are that you can't afford to drop. More than likely, they have a lot to do with your faith,friends,family and school-work.

Broken Headphones

I only have a few minutes so I will probably post a more in-depth post later in the day, but for now this will do.

I hate headphones. I really do. I lose them, and break them like crazy. If there is one thing I wish I could take better care of, headphones is definately it.

I was listening to a podcast from "The Village" church in Dallas this morning. When I rolled up my headphones before class, i somehow broke them. Granted these were cheap headphones I ordered from Hong Kong... I still haven't been able to finish the last half of the sermon, which was over Grace.

It is a good one so far. I suggest you listen to it, and let me know what you think. I would still love to find someone that listens to pod casts and talk about them with him or her.

Still lacking comments in this blog, which sucks. That is all.

What a weekend

This weekend was the Maroon and Gold game, and man was it a blast. I tailgated with ASG, and also stopped by the T Association tent. It was really a good time. Louis Brown and Nathaniel Gold... man those two are characters.

Today I went to see some of my friends on the Ultimate team play some pretty tough games. Some came out on top, but some didn't. It had me thinking the entire time. 

It made me think about being competitive. What kinds of actions or things were deemed competitive or competitions in the Bible? 

I came home, and started researching, and instead of re-hashing out everything I looked at. Here is a link.

http://bibletools.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Topical.show/RTD/cgg/ID/404/Competition.htm

I am a pretty competitive person, when I am doing things that I think (or would like to think) I am above average at. I wouldn't consider Ultimate one of these things, maybe CRU ultimate but not like the buckets play. I consider myself competitive in a few things I can think of right away.

Video Games (sports games)

Baseball Mogul

Fantasy Baseball

Sports Knowledge (especially baseball)

They all have to do with sports in some form or fashion. I started thinking about how I know sports and enjoy sports so much. I enjoy spending three hours watching a baseball game. I enjoy tailgaiting at the Maroon and Gold game hours before the game. Why do I not enjoy spending time in the word, and with the Lord that much? I mean yes I do at times, but why do I fail at this sometimes? I can't think of a time EVER in my life when I have though "Man I don't want to watch sports, have anything to do with sports, or am too busy to watch a game on TV or in person." Yet on the other hand, when something bad happens, or I get hurt I find myself not wanting anything to do with this guy that died for me.

It is without a doubt an absolutely crazy thought... That I am too tired, or busy, or upset that I don't want to spend time with him. I mean I will never stop believing in him, so please don't think that my belief in the Lord is an on/off switch. It is more of a lack of willingness to commit to the relationship that I have with him, which can be said also for relationships with my friends.

I am done for today. Yesterdays post was totally emo, and I apologize for that.

Spread Thin

I am spread thin everywhere I look.

My time is spread so thin, free time is often hard to come by.

I am spread thin in relationships, and dont know where to go, what to do or who to spend time with.

I don't know who to turn to, and it stinks.

Done being way too busy

It has been way too long since my last post. I promised myself I was going to try to post everyday. I guess this is my first big failure to do that. I am sure it won't be the last, but hopefully I can limit these times where I can't find minutes in my day to blog.

I have been incredibly busy with my life, which as most things are, has its positives and negatives.

The positives are that I have totally thrown myself into work and school. I have made some pretty decent grades, but there have been a couple of bad ones thrown in there. Another positive is that I believe I am making strides and connections professionally. Hopefully I will soon be paid in the athletic deparment. It obviously won't be much, but anything is better than zero which is what I am making now.

Along with this is that I think I am finally getting respected by people. I have so many ideas and programs that I want to start within the athletic department to take us to the next level. I need guidance though, and need more than just myself pushing for projects.

Although there has been a lot of positives, there have been negatives. I still have no direction in life. I don't know where I am going or what I am doing. I know where I would like to go, but no doors have swung wide open for me to do them. I will continue to lead on Christ for direction,guidance, opportunities, and a deeper understanding of him to take into any workplace.

I had a very good lunch today with Michael Vaughn, who I consider to be one of my closest friends. He might actually be the closest. He knows me. He knows where I am right now, what I've dealt with before, and what I am dealing with now. It was a very good lunch, and I hope that we have more in the future. We haven't been as close and I would have liked to be this semester, and I am to blame for that. I get so busy, and so involved in everything that I don't often take time out for friendships. That has been the biggest negative of all.

I am done being way too busy. I am back so expect daily posts!

Why?

WHY?
When I see that word, many things come to mind. I always question things, possibly too much.

I ask myself, or am asked why I believe in Jesus
I sometimes ask why I am the way I am
I wonder why certain things happen in life, like Dan passing away.
I don't understand why I try so hard sometimes in relationships.
I think Why am I doing an internship making $0, thinking it may not even help me land a job but rather "experience"
WHY?

I am in a crazy place right now. I have NO clue where my life is going. I joked around today with people that I wanted to stick around San Marcos, because I was almost afraid to get on with my life. Why am I afraid to leave?

I really don't have a reason to be afraid. God will lead me down the right paths if I allow him to. If I was to throw it all away, I am sure I would be lead down other paths. Paths I don't intend to visit.

I keep coming back to those three letters. Why am I afraid to graduate, and get into the real world? I certainly think I could find a job, or opportunity that would be great.

I really want to stick around San Marcos though. Theres so much opportunity here. The mission field is huge, and I think theres still so much more work to be done here missionally I would love to devote time to just missions.

Not only is San Marcos a great opportunity for christian fellowship, but its a political and business hotbed. New businesses are being brough daily into San Marcos, as we create jobs hopefully for the recently graduated. Politics in San Marcos are great on not only a local level with people like Chris Jones and Patrick Rose, but I mean we had Barack Obama,Bill Clinton,Ted Kennedy,Chelsea Clinton all come within a one week period.

San Marcos is great, and the people I have come in contact with over the past few years are people I will never forget my entire life.

Why am I afraid to leave this all behind? Once I leave, will people forget me? Will I take an 8-5 job I don't like? Once I get away from the community of believers I pour myself into will I stumble? Will I go to graduate school? Will I take a job at Texas State in the Athletic Department?

I really just have a lot of questions right now in my life, and not too many answers? WHY?
Why can't God just tell me what I am supposed to do? Wouldn't that be convenient?

I want to know WHY you read this
I want to know WHY you care about me
I want to know WHY we are friends

WHY

The Village

I am starting to listen to the Village podcasts again.

Otha Ethan Graham got me into the podcast while I was in Costa Rica. I listened to some sermons, and loved it. I would still like to visit one day.

Working through Luke, I think its a 13 part church series, is going to be my next task. Working through the gospels is something that I haven't done in a while.

If anyone wants to work through Luke, or anything else with me. Let me know, always open to studying anything!

Being Content

I am not content with anything.

Whether its a grade, and I strive for a better one.
or
Trying to get a better paying job.
or
Trying to beat a personal record in a video game.
or
Content with relationships, trying to deepen them more, or even find new ones.

It's easier to want more, more,more. Will there ever be a time when "more" doesn't exist. A time you reach a place where you can't be any higher?

On this Earth, and especially material wise the answer is no. There will always be something better, or newer that will be something to be strived for.

While in prison, Paul wrote a letter to his friends in Phillipi. He stated:

I have learned the great secret of life, how to be content. Whether it is the highest of highs or the lowest of lows, I am content because I am in Christ Jesus. I have strength for anything that life brings my way, because of the one who give me the power to life.

Based on that, I should be content with who I am in Jesus, and the relationship that I have with him. On the other hand, I am not content with the relationship I have with him, because theres always room for improvement, whether its being more in the word, doing a better job of sharing my faith, etc. I guess that I should be content with what he has given me however, and done for me. I mean he died for me. That is something that as a Christian I have known since I was very little, yet sometimes isn't really thought about.

I am content with who I am in and through Jesus Christ.

Podcasts and Scripture

I enjoy reading. I have a huge collection of books in my room. Most of them pertain to sports, christianity, and politics, plus the random ones like the biography of Selena. Theres no denying that I enjoy going to half price books, and could probably max out a credit card there if given the chance. There is so much knowledge to be gained from books. Think about it. Think about how many books there are in the entire world, and how their pages are filled with the exact things you are reading now, words.

I even read my textbooks for school. Hard to believe, but it's true.

Why though is it so hard to read scripture sometimes? I fall into pits where I simply just don't read. I would rather listen to a podcast of a sermon, or watch a sermon on tv, talk scripture with someone, hear others opinions on scripture, etc, but when it comes to actually sitting down with a bible and reading the Word of God, I often find it to be a challenge.

So, when people ask or allude to the fact of "being in the word" I often find myself in an awkward position. I am in the word because of the things that I do like listen to podcasts and even CRU meetings from over schools, but is that actually being in the word?

I guess that its good to do those things like podcats, but that shouldn't be your only source of scripture. Podcasts are great, and I have grown a great deal just listening to them on a daily basis walking to class instead of listening to music.

The true way to grow though is to actually read,memorize,and teach scripture and the best way to do that is to literally sit down and read it from an actual bible.

Why is it so hard to do!?

Direction

I am going to come out and just say it, I have no direction.

I have no sense of direction when it comes to driving or knowing how to get a certain place. I have a GPS, sometimes I use in the city, because I don't know where to go. Embarassing, but its who I am.

I have no clue what I am doing after this semester as far as school. I will more than likely be working this summer, and hopefully starting grad school in the fall. I havent got into grad school yet though, so I don't know. I have no clue what direction I am heading in.

Going along with school, I have no direction professionally. I have a great internship, and enjoy my self during ASG, and have even though about a career in politics at the local level, and maybe even one day in the Texas House of Representativs. However, its just a thought, and not really a direction.

I sometimes lack direction in friendships, where to go, who to establish relationships with, just direction in friendships.

Direction has always been a problem, and still is to this day. What I do know is my direction in Christ. I know that I will continue to seek him, and try to grow spiritually. I do not have many concrete things in my life, absolutes that I know where I am going. The one absolute is that Christ will be a part of my life daily, and continue to until the day I spend eternity with him.

THAT Guy

Most of the time, being THAT guy, normally had a bad connotation to it. You don't want to be THAT guy. Whether its

That guy that always tells horrible stories
That guy that smells bad
That guy that can't get over himself

I want to be THAT guy.

What guy? What is he talking about? Has he lost his mind?

The answer in one word, is absolutely.

I often don't get too upset with the things of this world. I mean they are of this world. I won't be able to take my money (or lack thereof) with me. On the day I die, they wont say I had X number of friends. It just doesn't really matter all that much.

What does matter though is being happy in the Lord, and finding people to share that experience with on a daily basis. People you can learn with together, but also people whose company you enjoy and hope that they enjoy yours.

Throughout High School, and even college (actually especially during college) I knew/know people.

I try to be as friendly as possible to people, even though it's hard sometimes, and I fail a great deal of the time. I however am nice to people, saying hi, waving, shaking hands, ironically much like a politician, minus the corruptness.

I came to college, got involved in Chi Alpha, and quickly established a group of friends like I mentioned above. People that I could grow with, but at the same time take it easy and have a good time.

Times changed, I left Chi Alpha to join CRU.

I don't regret the decision one bit, because I have met amazing people, and grown a great deal, but I can't help but wonder how things would be if I had stayed with Chi Alpha.

Chi Alpha, is probably about half the size of CRU, but has the same amount of heart and passion for Christ than students in CRU.

At Chi Alpha, I would like to think, actually I am pretty sure I was THAT guy. Not in a bad way, but in a popular way. I had a room on campus that was great, was growing in my walk, loved the people I was around. I was THAT guy that everyone wanted to be around. The guy that people called first when something was going on, or called to see what was going on. One of my friends even called me the "events coordinator."

Coming to CRU, and even to this day I am still not THAT guy. Although I think people enjoy spending time with me, and I enjoy spending time with them I am often left on the outside of things. 

I live off campus, have a super busy professional life whether its the internship, ASG, or anything else, I am just not THAT guy.

I find myself making the phone calls to see whats happening, most of the time things already in progress.

This post isn't meant to be Emo, or depressing, or even to try and make me feel like I am THAT guy. CRU is just so big, and I have spread myself thin as far as relationships. I am still the person that everyone knows, and I guess I have to live with that.

I guess I am THAT guy that loves Jesus and loves people. Does anything else really matter? Even whether or not I am THAT guy?

Born Again-Republican or Democrat?

A few days ago, I wrote that I didnt think being Christian meant I had to be and vote Republican. Obviously I am not the only one, heres a few interesting things that I recently read about Born Again Christians.

"Born again Christians" are defined as people who said they have made a personal commitment to Jesus Christ that is still important in their life today and who also indicated they believe that when they die they will go to Heaven because they had confessed their sins and had accepted Jesus Christ as their savior. Respondents are not asked to describe themselves as "born again."

A new national survey of likely voters conducted by The Barna Group, shows that the Republicans have lost the allegiance of many born again voters. The November election is truly up for grabs - and if the election were held today, most born again voters would select the Democratic Party nominee for president, whoever that might be. Hopefully it is Obama though :)
 
In 1992, born again voters sided with Republican incumbent George H.W. Bush over Democratic challenger Bill Clinton by a 39% to 35% margin. In the 1996 election, born again voters again sided with the Republican candidate (Bob Dole) rather than the incumbent Democratic President Bill Clinton by a 49% to 43% margin. In the 2000 election, the born again constituency gave Republican nominee George W. Bush a resounding 57% to 42% margin over Democratic challenger Al Gore. In 2004, the born again segment again sided with George W. Bush, giving him a lopsided 62% to 38% preference over Democratic hopeful John Kerry.

In the past couple of elections, the born again vote represented about half of the total number of votes cast in the U.S. Given the razor thin margin of victory achieved by President Bush in 2000, and the close tally in 2004, the born again vote was vital in both of the Bush victories.

Compared to recent presidential elections, the current leanings of the born again constituency have reversed. The new Barna study shows that if the election were to be held today, 40% of all born again adults who are likely to vote in November would choose the Democratic candidate and just 29% would choose the Republican candidate. The remaining 28% are currently not sure whom they would choose, preferring to make their selection on the basis of the candidate than strictly on the basis of his or her party affiliation.

George Barna, whose firm conducted the national survey, indicated that Republicans have an uphill climb with the born again voters. "Given the large percentage of undecided voters, it is possible that the Republican candidate might eventually win a majority of the born again vote," he explained. "However, it will not be easy to win them over. Several factors are operating against the Republican’s prospects in this election, related to both social issues and the personal integrity of several of the candidates."

If the election were held today, and all of the remaining candidates from both parties were on the ballot, the frontrunners among born again voters would be Hillary Clinton (favored by 20% of born again likely voters), Barack Obama (18%) and Mike Huckabee (12%). No other candidate reached double figures. Thirty percent of the born again likely voters said they were still undecided as to who they would choose.

It is amazing to see how things have changed over the last four years in the mindset of a christian. Obviously the bible has changed in four years, and won't change in the next four. That will always be the same book that we know, (or should know), love and devote our lives too.

I find it interesting that thirty percent of born agains haven't made up their minds yet. I wonder how many people that represents.

Born Again? I would love to know if you are republican,democrat,neither?

New Beginnings And A Clean Slate

I have talked about this before, and written about it in my journal before,but I love the idea and reality of new beginnings. It doesn't matter to me if its a new day, a new week, a new month, a new year, a new job, a new friendship. I love to have my slate wiped clean. I like that feeling that whatever happened in the past is simply that, the past. There is nothing I can do to change it, and even if I could I probably wouldn't because my life wouldn't be what it is today, if I was able to re-do things. New beginnings are great.

I will be a very good place spiritually, when all of a sudden something happens that throws everything out of order. I then begin to sulk in my own sin, while I doubt myself and if God has indeed done anything in my life, and question how I can screw up everything he has given me.

Then a new beginning occurs. A new day comes, a new song is heard, a new friendship is made, that really just puts things back into perspective and gets me back on track.

Life is going to have its ups and downs, there is absolutely no question about that. What is absolute though is that a new beginning will occur, but do not rely on it. That is often where I fail. I say well today I can do this, because tomorrow is a new start, a clean slate. That isn't how it works, but a lot of the time that is my thought process.

So do not rely on that clean slate, but instead do everything that you can do to keep it clean.

Moses The Crackhead?

Ok it wasn't really crack, but someone out there seems to think Moses was on something

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=4392361&page=1

Moses and the Israelites were on drugs, says Benny Shanon, an Israeli professor of cognitive philosophy.


Writing in the British Journal Time and Mind, he claims Moses was probably on psychedelic drugs when he received the Ten Commandments from God.

According to Shanon, a professor at Hebrew University, two naturally existing plants in the Sinai Peninsula have the same psychoactive components as ones found in the Amazon jungle and are well-known for their mind-altering capabilities. The drugs are usually combined in a drink called ayahuasca. 

"As far as Moses on Mount Sinai is concerned, it was either a supernatural cosmic event, which I don't believe, or a legend, which I don't believe either, or finally, and this is very probable, an event that joined Moses and the people of Israel under the effects of narcotics," he told Israel Radio in an interview Tuesday.

These types of stories are always coming out and being the Naive, or maybe more accurately curious person I am always read these and think about the possibilities.

I think that these stories, although interesting, are far fetched and simply not believable.

The Bible mentions four powerful drugs, three that are said to be stronger than the modern day LSD. They are wormwood, hemlock, gall and myrrh. I believe that none of these are ever used to induce visions or revelations  including the 10 commandments. No prophet of God ever used drugs to speak or listen to God in the Scriptures, including Moses.

Two Percent

So much for writing everyday, lets go with hopefully every day.

Jeremiah 1:7-8 says

"Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you."

Personally, as with a lot of Christians, it is definately easy to not share your faith. The hard part is jumping out of the comfort zone, sharing your face and not coming up with a lot of excuses.

"I am just a college kid, who is still trying to figure it all out," is an excuse I usually come up with. I am still trying to figure it all out, we all are. There will be good days, and there will also be bad days. There is no denying that, but the fact I don't have it all figured out shouldn't prevent me from sharing. I am just a "child" a 22 year old college student.

According to Bill Bright, founder of Campus Crusade for Christ, only 2% of Christians actively share their faith. That number hurts me deep down in the heart. The statistic SHOULD be totally reversed. Ideally 100 % of christians should share their faith, but 98 would be amazing, compared to the ridiculously low 2%.

There is no step by step process to sharing your faith. We all do it (or don't) a little bit differently, but there are different guidelines and tools out there to help you overcome this fear, and hopefully overcome this ridiculous number of 2%.

Faith and the 08 Election

It is March 4th, which means that today Texas may decide who is the next President of the United States. A scary thought, one certainly I didn't think would happen. I most definitely thought that by now we would already know for the most part on both sides who the nominees would be. We still really know that McCain is the guy for the republicans, but the democrats is a different story.

Being a Christian, and voting in elections often means you have a different agenda than most people. Although I would venture to say that Christians take a look at their faith, and politics, the two hardly go hand and hand.

Way back John Edwards spoke about how prayer helped him get through the death of his son and his wife's cancer diagnoses. Obama repeatedly used a phrase that most of us are familiar with "my brother's keeper" as he spoke about poverty and injustice. Clinton's faith came about when she was talking about getting her through her husband's infidelities.

The candidates on both side I believe have brought up intimate real discussions regarding faith and how it informs both their views on policy, the world, people, and how they themselves live their daily lives.

On the other side, Giuliani is a Roman Catholic who sadly is on his third marriage and who takes liberal positions on social issues. McCain, who is looking like the "winner" is Episcopalian, but rarely mentions his faith. Romney talked about his Mormonism as central to his life, but he's done at least for 08.

McCain is not my guy, and the fact that I am Christian does not mean that I HAVE to vote Republican. I have heard that, and did in 2004 when I cast my vote for *Gasp* ........John Kerry. Not George Bush. Four years later, I am proud to say I voted for John Kerry. Would he have done any better in office? I don't know. What I do know is that I have been an Obama supporter for over a year, and cast my vote for him weeks ago.

Obama 08

Another day at Alkek

As I sit in Alkek, (for those of you that don't know that is the Texas State Library), with an hour to kill I figure this is a good of time as any to start this blog.

Why am I starting a blog? Is it because it's the trendy thing to do? Is this a fad, or will it last? I used to have a Xanga, but this is a bit more professional, and hopefully will have a bit more insight than the Xanga did, which probably won't be too hard to do since the Xanga was pretty ridiculous, and not much substance.

The thoughts that run through my head usually stay there unless I find some poor soul to spew them out to. You few people know who you are, and I thank you for giving me an outlet.

I am a pretty open book. I really have nothing to hide in my life, which is more than can be said for most. I share myself daily with people. and hope that this blog will be another way that I can allow myself to be a part of your life and vice versa.

It's a great day to be a Bobcat